I am a high-achiever and I am ambitious. It’s my nature. When I was younger I was strongly motivated by praise and approval from others, today I strive for excellence regardless of the praise or approval I receive from others. Over time I began to see that my path differed uniquely from the path of others and began to understand that my happiness depended on me owning my own authority. I began to learn to listen to my own soul to guide me towards my right path.
In the beginning listening to my soul was tricky because I didn’t know how to do it – we weren’t in a good relationship. I had never considered that my soul would have a different story than my ego self did. My mind, my emotions and my soul coexisted within this physical body of mine but no-body was communicating with the other bodies. Until I discovered the presence of each body with in my whole expression the channels of communication went something like this: my mind working in cahoots with my ego self would make executive decisions on behalf of the whole, the emotions would react accordingly and the physical body would act out with strength or with pain as it could to support the whole body consensus. As you can imagine, and probably identify with, there was considerable unrest in the house at all times. Pain in my body made me stop ‘doing’ and start ‘being’. In the physical stillness that followed my thoughts initially became manic, unconscious thought began to rise through the fog to be heard, conscious thoughts vied for attention, the ego stubbornly struggled to stay engaged and in control, emotions stirred and made themselves felt, some for the first time. Underneath it all the quiet voice of the soul could be heard whispering direction and advice. Mental, emotional, spiritual turmoil ensued. Life seemed out of control and very challenging without the normal strategy of ‘doing’ something to shut everything up. Intrigued (and frightened) by the madness flowing through my life I vowed to keep listening and determined not to fall back into my old coping mechanisms. I knew I couldn’t go back but I also didn’t know how to move forward. If you don’t know what to do – do nothing…so I became very, very still and I learned to observe, listen and learn.
Emotions need only to be acknowledged honestly for them to be satisfied, but the mind needs to be heard. Excuses, contradictions, logical arguments, insane belief systems, all guide and camouflage the truth of spirit trying to express itself. Patiently, like trying to coax a shy kitten out of a hiding place you have to convince the soul that you mean no harm, that you will listen, that you are finally willing to act in its best interest. Slowly the relationship with my soul started to mend. I came to know myself in new ways; my triggers, my fears, my true pleasures, my motivations and my capacity to live a soulful, heart centered life. My intuitions grew stronger and more dependable, my knee jerk instinct to react lessened, I could breathe and wait, I didn’t take everything personally, my ego began to disengage from every exchange allowing my spirit the room to emerge. I began to feel peace. I began to feel creative as never before.
I have often wondered how my life would be if I could have brought this knowledge of life into my life in architecture and construction. Or into my life as the organic herb farmer. But it is what it is. All in good time. All exactly as it played out was important for the revealing of my soul in my life. I like the idea that we are Spiritual beings living a physical experience – but we also need to strive to empower our spiritual self otherwise we will find ourselves living soul-less materialistic physical lives burdened with the struggle and pain of trying to maintain an impermanent reality.
So how can you recognize when your soul is freely engaging in the process of your life? You feel purposeful, engaged, patient and satisfied. You realize you risk nothing by being fully present. You feel anywhere from a vague to a strong sense of connectedness, a remembering of a promise. You feel really big, unlimited, and optimistic. Limitations are part of a language you no longer speak. You are not overwhelmed by the physicality of your life. You feel nourished, nurtured and loved.
And with this awareness coursing through your life you feel the impulse to nourish, nurture and love others.