I realized one day that the people I admire the most are the ones that live their lives without excuses. They are respectful, positive minded, energetic, kind people and the reason is simple; they aren’t trying to prove anything to anyone. They know who they are and they just go about living their lives doing what they do.
It is ingrained in us to look and ask for approval. As children we learn that good behavior is rewarded with praise of some sort and it feels better than being criticized. We also learn that one easy trick to avoiding criticism is to make up a story that seemingly excuses our actions. As we grow we not only become adept at making excuses to others and ourselves but also come to expect and accept them in our daily dealings with others. We become unaccountable for our thoughts and actions, in effect leading double lives.
A few years ago I saw Marianne Williamson speak. She’s a powerful speaker with a strong belief in her message. She spoke on her book “A Return to Love”. Often when speakers talk about love and peace they approach the subject with a sugar-coated countenance. Not Ms. Williamson! She delivered all the passion, power, determination and strength that I know love delivers to my heart. She never once apologized for her beliefs or her commitments. She stood up for herself and made herself accountable for her message and accountable in her life.
Most of the people I see as clients have lost their compass in life. They don’t know how to step forward, confused in their own minds they are often afraid of hurting others and stepping on other peoples’ toes. In trying to establish value in their lives they do more and more for others, further compromising themselves with every step they take. Eventually because they have allowed so many others to take up precious space in their minds they find themselves crowded to death with no room left to move. Unable to make their own choices without stepping on someone else’s toes they start apologizing for offending, for hurting, for questioning, even for being themselves. Depression is the only end result as we slowly come to realize that we are in danger of losing our selves.
We need to each claim ourselves back from the land of the excuses. Live boldly. Feel your own two legs under you and see them marching to the beat of your own drum. We each came here to live our own lives, our own way, in our own rhythm, so don’t make excuses for your life choices. Just live your life bravely with intention. Dare to be you!
In the healing business you can expect to hear a ton of stories about the pain, suffering and abuse people endure. It’s a vital part of the healing process for people to share their stories and release repressed and suppressed emotions out of their bodies and energy fields . Many alternative and complementary modalities are based on doing precisely just that; releasing repressed emotions out of the body. Held in emotions of shame, anger, grief, worry, fear can play havoc on a body’s immune system and eventually lead to a whole host of physical problems. And although it is shocking to hear some of the outrageous things people are capable of perpetrating against one another it never fails to amaze me how easily and willing we are to hurt someone else. It’s not just the act, but the desire to cause hurt comes so easily to so many people.
It seems to be human nature that when we hurt we need and want others to feel the same pain. It’s that old adage: Misery loves company. But bottom line it is grossly unfair and spiritually irresponsible to draw others into our negative emotion cycles. We don’t have the right to make others miserable because we don’t want or can’t find the way to resolve our own emotional pain. If your intention is to heal your wounds and you are willing to trust another to guide you back to the land of the positive then share as honestly and as openly as you can. But if all you really want is to feel validated in your misery and insist on recruiting sympathies against the person you are mad at you are abusing your confidant. Of course in that moment you don’t really get how abusive it is, all you’re focused on, in that moment, is the need to spread the grief. Wallowing in pain however is a dead end street. It gets you nowhere. And you will find that eventually you will be standing nowhere all alone!
Depression is one thing, but spinning in a bad mood and trying to take every one else down with you is another. We have a moral and ethical responsibility to others, especially the ones we love, to try to stay as positive as possible. I don’t mean being cheerful when you feel angry, worried and confused. Using negative words, being argumentative, picking fights, goading others into being nasty, demeaning others just to vent your aggravation is cruel and harmful for all parties concerned or bitterly trying to convince others to gang up on another. We live in an over stressed society, to add to another’s stress level is incouragable. We need to try harder to be genuinely nice to people. They deserve it. Strangers we meet out on the street don’t deserve to be treated with rudeness, disrespect or aggressive bad behaviour no matter how they treat us. Be the bigger person! We need to treat others with kindness, respect and friendliness.
Another old saying is ‘if you can’t say anything nice don’t say anything at all’ but let’s face it, how can you find justice without complaint? So if you are truly looking for justice ask yourself this; ‘can this person I’m talking to help me understand what’s going on and am I truly looking for resolution – or am I just bitching to anyone who is too polite to hang up the phone or walk away from me while I rant?’ Words and emotions have energy. We use them to create effect in other people. Before you go shooting off your mouth hold some awareness about the power you are wielding. Loose tongues cut deeply – and in the end it will be you that falls with greatest pain.