Andrea Thiel Connell

People have choice. It’s our birthright. We come to life and have the responsibility to make the choices in life that suit us. And that’s a blessing. I’m really glad that I get to make my own choices but I’m  also constantly surprised by how hard it is to make my own choices. In every choice I make I consider tons of people, issues and possibilities. And this is also our responsibility, to be actively conscious of the repercussions of our personal choices. As much as we are free agents we are still ultimately responsible to our partners, families, friends, community and consciousness on the whole. Heavy baggage!

It’s no wonder that we’ll grab opportunities to let someone else make our choices for us. Sometimes we just want a break. Letting someone else decide for us let’s us off the hook temporarily and it’s nice to feel looked after – like I said…temporarily. The way someone else makes choices, how they consider things, how they weigh the value of factors either appeals to us or doesn’t. It determines the success of our partnerships in business and marriage, it determines how well we play with others, it determines how well we raise our children.

Making decisions is a powerful responsibility. Invariably what we decide will also determine the fate of others. It can’t be helped. The quality of our life is determined by the quality of the decisions we make.  It becomes very important to know what you stand for. What are your morals, ethics and values about life? What do you condone, tolerate, and hold in esteem? If you can come to understand what is truly important to you and what is not, you will create a guideline for your life. When you have that it is much easier to know how to make your decisions.

Come to know where your weaknesses lie, where you need help in making decisions, where you need to trust others almost completely. Not choosing to decide is still a decision – probably one of the most important stands you’ll ever make. When we give all our power over to someone else to decide in our stead, we better be able to trust them implicitly. They hold our life in their hands and they better be strong enough to carry us. When we give that power to someone weaker than us we will surely fall. I’ve seen people choose to do exactly that just so they can ferociously lay blame and fault, not realizing that it was their own fault for giving up their right to choose.

In marriage we have to decide our decision-making roles. Do you like to be led, do you like to lead, do you need to need a partner with whom to hammer out solutions with? Or more likely it’s a mix of the three. Do you know over which issues you like to assume which hat? Do you realize what your emotional triggers are that ultimately drive the choices you make. I’ll give you a hint; fear and love are the driving forces behind all decisions. Making good choices depends directly on how willing and ready we are to look and accept the truth of a situation. If we are continuously making bad decisions with miserable outcomes we have to look at what our personal motivation is. Another hint: behind every bad decision lies a mountain of fear. It’s fascinating how blind to the mountain we can become.

The thing with making decisions is while we are dealing with very personal, close to the heart kind of decisions we also have to keep our eyes fixed on the greater good. There are usually people watching, waiting, knowing they are going to be influenced by your decision, usually our children, partners and co-workers, and they are learning. They are not just idly sitting by twiddling their thumbs. Based on how you make your choices they will learn how to make theirs. Where you are weak, they will be strong, where you are wobbly, they will learn to manipulate, where you waffle they will decide. Even in weakness you have responsibility, you just won’t have the power to look after your highest good!

We exert our power in our life through the decisions or lack of decisions we make. It’s your choice!