I am so excited about Spring! I feel creative, productive, and just plain happy! And you know why? I practiced what I preach.That makes me feel good too!
Last year was a very emotionally difficult year. It felt like everything I believed in, from philosophy to friendships was being stripped away from me. Everything about my life came under scrutiny and everything was subject to being tossed out. I moved to Campbellford in 1999 and quickly created a strong community among the many like minded people here. I developed a few very special friendships, was able to keep growing in my work and was able to teach to many fine eager students. For 10 years my family thrived and grew strong; each successful in their own right. Everything was going well until suddenly it wasn’t. Truth is, it wasn’t sudden at all! There was a growing malcontent and disorder arising in my world which I didn’t know how to curb. I sensed it, I tried to calm it, I engaged and fought with it, and I even tried to ignore it. But I knew better. The ship was going down and I didn’t really understand why. So I just tried to save things, and kept going like normal. When we try to hold on too long, trying to ignore the pain, and not stand up for ourselves it starts to hurt really bad; emotionally, mentally and physically!
In the end I could only do what I know how to do. I had to let go! And I mean of everything! By the end I didn’t have the faintest clue what to save and what not to save so I had to throw it all to the wind. I was willing to let anything and everything go that had to in order to stop the pain and the sadness, from my marriage, to my kids, to my home, to my friends, to my work, to my writing, to my philosophies, in short everything that I had built my identity around in my whole life. I didn’t know what all needed to be released, I just knew that anything that was not for my highest good had to go. So layer by layer, piece by piece, I lessened my need to control, my need to be loved, my need to be nurtured, my need to be understood, my need to be right, my need to know, my need to be the teacher-healer extraordinaire, my need to save and make everything better and on and on…where ever I could identify a personal need I worked to lessen my attachment to it.
Systematically, one by one, I felt aspects of my life fall away, friends I had cared deeply for, aquaintances, workshops, pass times, interests, and beliefs. Worst of all was all my creativity with my writing dried up. And things got very quiet. The drama stopped. And things stayed quiet for a long time. I had no creative energy, no spark, no fire, I started playing games online…then one day I noticed I also didn’t have any pain anymore. Slowly I became aware of what wasn’t changing; my family, my life philosophies, my work had found a new depth and a renewed sense of purpose. Out of the blue I started writing again…better than before!
Today I am renewed! Charged with the vital life force energy of Spring! I am driven in my calling, loved by people I love, people I respect and admire! My home is my haven…for now!
10 Years ago I took a leap of faith when we moved to a small town 3 hours away from anyone I knew to a future I couldn’t imagine. It worked! Today I am grateful that I Let go! This is the 4th time in my life I have jumped – no bungie cord or anything. Each time I jump I land in a better place than where I was. Each time letting go has made room for so many blessings, so many new people, so many opportunities, and so much joy. So go ahead let go and jump! It will only hurt for a minute – in the grand scheme of things! I highly recommend it!!