I’ve been vacillating. I’ve been unfocused, doubting myself and my place in the world. I needed my butt kicked. And I got it!
The butt kick came through my ego as it so often can. A couple of days ago I made a FB post and I was kicked by 2 FB ‘friends’ where it hurts me most; in my intention, my reputation and my integrity. I felt angered, embarrassed, bullied and patronized. I sat with it for 2 days reflecting, practicing what I preach, finding my still point, re-balancing my heart to my head, and then, when my knee jerk reaction subsided, I asked myself the questions they had demanded of me. Was my information factual? researched? misleading? and heaven forbid dangerous? Those of you who know me and have worked with me know the answer to these questions already. I have been studying, researching, learning, feeling, healing and evolving my self and my practices steadily for over 3 decades. I am not easily led nor am I quick to jump to definitive conclusions. I take you, my friends, clients, students and family, and your life and health situations very, very seriously. I would never intentionally mislead you with frivolous ideas and misinformation. I also do not blindly accept what is considered fact because the Government and its paid henchmen tell me to. I quest. Endlessly. I quest for truth, answers and options. So what then…why did this hit me so hard? The answer shocked me…I was dangerously close to forgetting my purpose including my learning, my knowing and my commitment to serve earth and humanity to the best of my ability.
Becoming a Doorman…
My parents are German immigrants that came to this country independently at 17 and 21 years of age. They struggled and accomplished much in their lifetimes and survived things human beings should never have to witness never mind endure. They taught us self-discipline, self-respect and autonomy – be nobody’s monkey! Our family walked the road less traveled and I find myself still today happiest on that road. I don’t walk this road today because I like to be different or difficult. I walk it because everyday I witness people fighting for their lives, health and happiness mostly as a result of walking the road paved by our recognized authorities. They have all tried to do the best that they can do, follow the rules, stick to the plans that have been suggested and laid out through the systems in place only to find themselves struggling endlessly with pain, stress, illness, anxiety and disappointment.
By the time people come to see me they are desperately looking for new solutions to answer their overwhelming problems. They have generally tried everything else and have given every recognized system in our society a chance to help them to the very end of their life’s rope. I don’t get curious clients looking for something new to try out. I get diseased bodies, suicidal, frightened minds, broken hearts and spirits. And after time, time spent sharing stories and information, teaching, learning I see people heal, find purpose, and continue on stronger, healthier and happier. So many “miracles.” I don’t mean to suggest that I know “The Way” by any means, it’s not my job to tell you either. My job is to open new doors and hold space, I can only invite you on a journey – you’ve got to book the ticket and pick up your walking stick. I only make this promise… I don’t give up on anyone, anytime – except myself apparently.
Back to the building blocks…
I’m a healer and a teacher. Not in any conventional sense I suppose but not without skills and successes. My personal goal is to see the world, humanity, consciousness through lenses without filters of optimism or despair, just to simply see it, bear witness to the truth of it and see the potential life-spring rising out of every moment. When I see dead ends I know that I’ve encountered illusion, fear and ego, in those moments I steer myself through the very center of the blockage with softness, patience and acceptance until the true nature reveals itself again. The fractal nature of our universe and consciousness expresses in never-ending expanding and collapsing patterns. There is an underlying order, a sacred geometry that supports and allows a constant growth despite our own personal chaotic and dysfunctional habits and belief systems. It is in this order, that is evident in every molecular and atomic structure on our planet, that I have faith. It is there that I go to help others reorganize their personal relevant chaos into harmony and peace.
My practice informed by my experience as daughter, sister, wife, mother, business owner, gardener, herb farmer, student, teacher, builder, healer energy worker, dreamer, realist, intuitive and doorman help me “get” you and tells me that we are by nature perfect and healthy from the inside out. As humans we’ve been known to mess things up pretty badly at times. But there are things I know. I know for instance, that the human species, as a living organism, is tenacious and does not willingly nor easily give up life. I know that we will mutate rather than die. I know that we are creative expressions of a grand consciousness that always searches for new ways to express ourselves forward. I know that life is sacred. And I know that as a fellow being floating around this universe with you, I am you. What is in me is in you is in all living things. We share space. Our hearts beat together. As passive activist and visionary I advocate for change that promotes our healthy and sustainable nature. I am committed to you, to me, to life, to earth, and I will continue to quest for our betterment. And I’m back on track!
A Pact for 2015!
So let’s make a pact you and I. In 2015 let’s you and I commit to being ourselves as fully as possible – no apologies. Let’s trust in our inner compassionate, kind nature and play that forward as much as possible. Let’s remember our goodness and not doubt our intentions because others may. And most of all let’s have faith in the amazing matrix of sacred energy that flows freely without corruption throughout every heart and soul on this planet endlessly calling us to abundant Love, health, joy and peace for ourselves and one another regardless how things appear in our mundane experience of the moment. Refresh your self and your memory. We are magnificent beings! I see that in you!
Have an incredibly awesome 2015! I leave you with these words…
“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now.”
William Hutchinson Murray “the Scottish Himalayan Expedition”
1913 – 1996